Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
