so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
