five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
