Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
