I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
