i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
