Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
