He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
