im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
