He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
