Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
