bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
