Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
