out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
