TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am one with the molecules
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
