Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
