i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
