Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
