I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
