I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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