her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
