so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
