you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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