I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
