i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
