Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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