I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
