OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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