Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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