So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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