At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
