I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
where am i from again
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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