2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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