theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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