I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
