My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
