The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
