His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
