I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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