I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
