In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
