there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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