dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
