So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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