Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
