its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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