Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
