i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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