Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
