I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
