I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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