So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
