Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
